“Don’t have me waiting here like a fool next week.”
Celebrating ten years of sobriety last week prompted me to ask for a chip when I attended a meeting. As I mentioned, the six-month chip is still sacred to me because it showed me I could imagine a different way of living, a fuller life, it made it real.
Unfortunately, they were all out (which is a great problem) and I waved in a way that said “no worries”, but the meeting organizer told me if I came back in a week, he’d be there with one. I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure I was going to be there, but then he looked at me, smiled, and said the quote above. We laughed, and now I had to show up.
Sure enough, when I walked in tonight there he was, waiting with my chip.
Tonight, as I listened about various journeys and realizations, one threw me for a loop.
When we are making tough decisions on what to cut out of our life or what to change, all the negative or manipulative thoughts we share are in our own voice. There’s no menacing and guttural derision that can be easily recognized, instead it’s familiar and often plays on our weakness. We have to be so careful about how we are speaking to ourselves and if we’re making time to prayerfully listen and allow God to work.
At the end of the meeting, my new friend and I shared another laugh instead this time it was one of those “how good is God?” laughs that comes from a place deep inside – a place that has been humbled and hollowed, with room enough for grace and love to fill.
Walking to my car, running my fingers over the serenity prayer on the back, I felt a divine peace as if God was the one waiting for me, ready to look like a fool if I chose to listen to myself instead.